Get latest collection of short funny jokes for adults ,If looking for a quick and dirty joke to get you an easy laugh then these funny adult jokes are for you. We have made these short jokes for adults in such a way that you can go and tell your friends about these jokes and make environment laugh.
Short Funny Jokes For Adults
What did the Buddhist ask the hot dog vendor? “Make me one with everything.”
My wife told me women are better at multitasking than men.
So I told her to sit down and shut up. Guess what… She couldn’t do either.
Whenever you vote twice on a joke it always says, ” You already voted BRO.”
I don’t get that because what if a girl is looking at these jokes
A plateau is the highest form of flattery.
It’s hard to explain puns to kleptomaniacs because they always take things literally.
Time flies like an arrow, fruit flies like a banana.
“This is your captain speaking, AND THIS IS YOUR CAPTAIN SHOUTING.”
I told my doctor that I broke my arm in two places. He told me to stop going to those places.
Atheism is a non-prophet organization
A baby seal walks into a club.
My grandad has the heart of a lion and a life time ban from the San Diego Zoo.
I went on a once in a lifetime holiday. Never again.
Love thy neighbor all through the day… but first make sure her husband’s away!
Waiter! This coffee tastes like mud.” “Yes sir, it’s fresh ground.”
Girl: Do you believe in puppy love?
Boy: I tried it once, but their assholes are too small.
Husband says; “When I’m gone you’ll never find another man like me”.
Wife replied; “What makes you think I’d want another man like you!”
When I was young I used to pray for a bike, then I realized that God doesn’t work that way, so I stole a bike and prayed for forgiveness.
What four animals does a woman like to have in her house? A tiger in bed, a mink in her closet, a jaguar in her garage and a jackass to pay for it all.
A guy asks his waiter how they prepare their chicken. The waiter says that there’s nothin’ special… we just flat out tell’ em they’re gonna die…
Two Muffins were baking in an oven. One muffin turns to the other and says, “Holy Shit it’s hot in here!” The other muffin says, “Holy Shit… A talking muffin!”
A reporter was interviewing a 104 year-old woman: “And what do you think is the best thing about being 104?” She simply replied, “No peer pressure.”
There was a man who entered a local paper’s pun contest. He sent in ten different puns, in the hope that at least one of the puns would win. Unfortunately, no pun in ten did.
On wall in ladies room “My husband follows me everywhere…” Written just below it “I do not”.
Sex is like poker… if you don’t have a good partner you better have a good hand.
Waiter walks up to a table of old ladies eating their lunch and asks, “Is anything OK?”
While making love, a guy says to his wife “Darling, let’s do a 68!” to which the wife asks, “68??? What’s that?”. So the husband replies “You do it to me and I’ll owe you one.”
A bill collector came to my house the other day, so I gave him a huge stack of old bills
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl in the bathroom? Because it has a silent pee.
What did the Zen Buddist say to the hotdog vendor? Make me one with everything.
What did the little fish say when he swam into a wall? DAM!
Where does a sheep go for a haircut? To the baaaaa baaaaa shop!
What kind of bees make milk instead of honey? Boobies.
Why don’t cats play poker in the jungle? Too many cheetahs.
What is a cat’s way of keeping law & order? Claw Enforcement.
Did you hear about the cat who swallowed a ball of wool? She had mittens.
What does a cat like to eat on a hot day? A mice cream cone.
What do you get when you cross a chick with an alley cat? A peeping tom.
If lights run on electricity and cars run on gas, what do cats run on? Their paws.
There are two things men really like women to do in hurry. Dress and undress.
This guy walks into a butcher and asks, “Can I have those from the top shelf please”. The butcher replies, “Sorry, the steaks are too high.”
While making love, he says:
Wife: Give me some money. I want to buy a bra.
Husband: Why? You have nothing to put in it!
Wife: You wear shorts!
Boy: Do you like parties?
Girl: Yes, why?
Boy: Well then jump in my pants and have a ball!
– Darling, let’s do 68!
– 68??? What’s that?
– You do it to me and I’ll owe you one.
I want to die peacefully in my sleep, like my grandfather..
Not screaming and yelling like the passengers in his car.
A girl says to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever. The
guy replies: Thanks for the warning.
A husband was asked: Do you talk to your wife after sex? He replied:
Depends, if I can find a phone.
Man to wife on wedding night: Are you sure I’m the first man you are
sleeping with? Of course honey, I stayed awake with all the others!
Wife : Do you want dinner?
Husband : Sure, what are my choices?
Wife : Yes and no.
Girl: When we get married, I want to share all your worries, troubles and
lighten your burden.
Boy: It’s very kind of you, darling, But I don’t have any worries or troubles.
Girl: Well that’s because we aren’t married yet.
Son: Mom, when I was on the bus with Dad this morning, he told me to give up my seat to a lady.
Mom: Well, you have done the right thing.
Son: But mum, I was sitting on daddy’s lap.
Girl to her boyfriend: One kiss and I’ll be yours forever.
The guy replies: Thanks for the warning. hahahahaha
A wife asked her husband: “What do you like most in me my pretty face or my sexy body?”
He looked at her from head to toe and replied: “I like your sense of humor.
T-shirt quotes: now more tastier and healthier, handle with care, tasted by experts, shake well before use, can make boneless thing hard, no one can use just once.
Man looked his naked body in the mirror says to wife-look 75 kg of pure dynamite. Wife says: but shame on the 5 cm fuse.
A nigro man attended a night party without dress. The man thought he was in black suit and told your suit is nice, but tie is in the wrong place.
Why do girls carry milk to give their husband during first night, because they need lots of curd from husband in return.
A guy takes a girl to his room, throws down his paints and says. Meet my little brother. Girls pick up her bag on the way out says call me when he grows up.
A sexy and attractive female employee meets her boss and says sir will you remove something from my breast?
Girl: your eyes.
Do you know why a girl gets full mark and boys get fail in practical? It’s when they both remove their 1st button of shirt in front of external.
Q: What do you call a lesbian dinosaur
A: A lickalotopis
Q: What do the Mafia and a pussy have in common?
A: One slip of the tongue, and you’re in deep shit.
Q: What’s 6 inches long, 2 inches wide and drives women wild?
A: a $100 bill!
Q – What is the Difference Between Mother & Wife ?
A – One Woman Brings U into this world crying… & the other ensures U Continue to do so.
We are going to have most funny non veg jokes or double meaning dirty adult non veg jokes in this post.If you like then do share these short funny jokes for adults to your friends.