Really Funny Jokes for Adults

Here is collection of really funny jokes for adults, These jokes are simple jokes but with a great fun and humor. Laughter is a good medicine many people says, jokes are nice idea for sharing and bringing smile to everyone’s face. You can share these funny jokes for adults to your friends. Choose best from the below jokes and start spreading big LoL all around.

Really Funny Jokes for Adults:

really funny jokes for adults
really funny jokes for adults

Husband: “Oh the weather is lovely today. Shall we go out for a quick jog?“
Wife: “Hahaha, I love the way you pronounce ‘Shall we go out and have a cake’!”

I went today, but not one person would stroke me.I forgot my cell phone when I went to the toilet yesterday. We have 245 tiles.

A boy breaks an old vase at a rich uncle‘s house. The uncle gets extremely angry and yells: “Do you even know how old the vase was? It was from the 17th century!” The boy sagged in relief: “Oh, good that it wasn’t new.”

“Why is your stomach so big?” – he asks.
“I´m having a baby.” – she replies.
“Is the baby in your stomach?” – he asks, with his big eyes.
“Yes, it is.” – she says.

“Is it a good baby?” – he asks, with a puzzled look.
“Oh, yes. A really good baby.” – the lady replies.

Why can’t Miss Piggy count to 70?
Because she gets a frog in her throat at 69.

Why can’t women read maps?
Because only the male mind can comprehend the concept of 1 inch equals a mile.

Why do men pay more for car insurance?
Women don’t get blow jobs while they’re driving

Why do women have small feet?
So they can stand closer to the kitchen sink.

Why did god give men penises?
So they’d always have at least one way to shut a woman up!

Why did the boy fall off the swing?
He didn’t have any arms.

Why haven’t they sent a woman to the moon yet?
It doesn’t need cleaning.

Why did Raggedy Anne get thrown out of the toy box?
Because she kept sitting on Pinocchio’s face moaning, “Lie to me!”

Why did the gay guy think his lover was cheating on him?
He came home shit faced.

Why don’t women wear watches?
There’s a clock on the stove!

Why is a woman’s pussy like a warm toilet seat?
They both feel good, but you wonder who was there before you.

Why don’t little girls fart?
Because they don’t get assholes until they’re married.

Why does a dog lick its penis?
Because it can’t make a fist.

Why do female skydivers wear jock straps?
So they don’t whistle on the way down.

Why do women pierce their bellybutton?
Place to hang their air freshener.

Why did the woman get thrown out of the riding stable?
She wanted to mount the horse her way.

Why do midgets laugh when they run?
Because the grass tickles their balls!

What do softball coaches say when they get two outs?

Also Read: Funny Jokes For Adults

Knock knock. Who’s there?
Ya who?
Sorry, I prefer Google.

What did one ocean say to the other ocean?
Nothing, they just waved.

Why was six afraid of seven?
Because seven is a registered six offender.

What did Barack say to Michelle when he got down on one knee?
I don’t wanna be Obama-self!

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

If I agreed with you we’d both be wrong.

Children: You spend the first 2 years of their life teaching them to walk and talk. Then you spend the next 16 years telling them to sit down and shut-up.

Politicians and diapers have one thing in common. They should both be changed regularly, and for the same reason.

My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.

Having sex is like playing bridge. If you don’t have a good partner, you’d better have a good hand.

The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

Evening news is where they begin with ‘Good evening’, and then proceed to tell you why it isn’t.

If 4 out of 5 people SUFFER from diarrhea… does that mean that one enjoys it?

If you think nobody cares if you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.

Better to remain silent and be thought a fool, than to speak and remove all doubt.

A bank is a place that will lend you money, if you can prove that you don’t need it.

I thought I wanted a career, turns out I just wanted paychecks.

I’ve always thought my neighbors were quite nice people. But then they put a password on their Wi-Fi.

What do you call an alligator in a vest? An investigator.

This boy said he was going to hit me with the neck of a guitar. I said, “Is that a fret?”

A three-year old walks over to a pregnant lady while waiting with his mother in a doctor’s surgery.

Never, under any circumstances, take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

I’ve been really depressed lately. A friend told me I should go to the petting zoo perhaps, to cheer up.

The shinbone is a device for finding furniture in a dark room.

Why does someone believe you when you say there are four billion stars, but check when you say the paint is wet?

The sole purpose of a child’s middle name, is so he can tell when he’s really in trouble.

Crowded elevators smell different to midgets.

You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.

It’s not the fall that kills you; it’s the sudden stop at the end.

Artificial intelligence is no match for natural stupidity.

Always borrow money from a pessimist. He won’t expect it back.

He who smiles in a crisis has found someone to blame.

If at first you don’t succeed, skydiving is not for you.

There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.

Experience is something you don’t get until just after you need it.

Change is inevitable, except from a vending machine.

When the chips are down, the buffalo is empty.

It is said that if you line up all the cars in the world end to end, someone would be stupid enough to try and pass them.

Some people think that 3 out of 4 people make up 75% of the world’s population.

Light travels faster than sound. This is why some people appear bright until you hear them speak.

You can’t have everything. Where would you put it?

Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

I’m not a complete idiot — Some parts are just missing.

Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

Q: why do some women look at blank paper?
A: they like to read their rights.

Q: How do all the oceans say hello to each other?
They wave!

Q: What did one wall say to the other wall?
I’ll meet you at the corner!

Q: What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear!

Q: How can you tell if an elephant has been in your refrigerator?
By the footprints in the butter!

Q: What is the difference between elephants and grapes?
Grapes are purple.

Q: What did Tarzan say when he saw the elephants coming?
“Here come the elephants!”

Q: Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use honey combs!

Q: What do you call an alligator in a vest?
An investigator!

Q: Why can’t you give Elsa a balloon?
Because she will let it go!

really funny jokes for adults
really funny jokes for adults

These are really funny jokes for adults and made for adults, You can send SMS or you can whatsapp these adult jokes to your friends. Funny dirty jokes are most widely used and shared by adults. All jokes are really fantastic and amazing.Hope you like it.

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