Funny Riddles Jokes for Adults

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Funny Riddles Adults Jokes with Answers

Funny Riddles Jokes

You stick your poles inside me. You tie me down to get me up. I get wet before you do.
What Am I ?

What starts with a C and ends with a T, is hairy, oval, delicious and contains thin whitish liquid ?

Why is the longest human nose on record only eleven inches long?
Because if it was twelve inches it would be a foot.

You answer me, although I never ask you questions. What am I?
A telephone.

You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
If you answer that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!

You can’t keep this until you have given it.
A promise.

What goes up and down without moving?

What goes up white and comes down yellow?
An egg.

What grows up while growing down?
A goose.

What grows when it eats, but dies when it drinks?

Take off my skin — I won’t cry, but you will! What am I?
An onion.

The capital of Turkey is a long word. Can you spell it?

The more it dries, the wetter it gets. What is it?
A towel.

I have keys but no locks. I have a space but no room. You can enter, but can’t go outside. What am I?
Answer: A Keyboard

How can you get four suits for a dollar?
Buy a deck of cards.

How do we know the Indians were the first people in North America?
They had reservations.

How do you make a hot dog stand?
Steal its chair.

How do you make an egg laugh?
Tell it a yolk.

What did one elevator say to the other?
I think I’m coming down with something!

What did one magnet say to the other?
I find you very attractive.

What did the mother broom say to the baby broom?
It’s time to go to sweep.

What did the necktie say to the hat?
You go on ahead. I’ll hang around for a while.

What do you get if you cross a chicken with a cement mixer?
A brick layer!

What do you get if you cross an elephant and a kangaroo?
Big holes all over Australia!

What has one horn and gives milk?
A milk truck.

What is a tree’s favorite drink?
Root beer.

What is the best thing to do if you find a gorilla in your bed?
Sleep somewhere else.

What’s green and loud?
A froghorn.

What’s round and bad-tempered?
A vicious circle.

Why did the doughnut shop close?
The owner got tired of the (w)hole business!

What do men keep in their pants that their partners sometimes blow?
MONEY. Your mind is basically a citizen of the gutter.

What does every woman have that starts with a “V” and that she can use to get what she wants?
Her VOICE, you sexist asshole.

What’s made of rubber, handed out at some schools, and exists to prevent mistakes?
ERASERS. Safety first, kiddos!

What’s most useful when it’s long and hard?
A college education.

It’s fun to do, but you hate knowing your parents do it, too. What is it?
FACEBOOK. WOW. You’re so twisted.

What gets longer when pulled, fits between breasts, slides neatly into a hole, has choked people when used improperly, and works best when jerked?
Seatbelts. Ew, man.

What gets wetter when things get steamy?
Steam boats! An integral part of the evolution of marine travel!

What’s squishy, bouncy, and comes in pairs?
Two bunnies!

What’s beautiful and natural, but gets prickly if it isn’t trimmed regularly?
Grass. Like, on a lawn. Your brain is such a nasty place.

What is greater than God,
more evil than the devil,
the poor have it,
the rich need it,
and if you eat it, you’ll die?

Q: I am taken from a mine, and shut up in a wooden case, from which I am never released, and yet I am used by almost everybody.
A: Lead Pencil

Q:What comes once in a minute, twice in a moment, but never in a thousand years?
A: The letter M

Q: What is it that you cannot hold even ten minute, even though it is lighter than a feather?
A: Your breath

Q: I’m tall when I’m young and I’m short when I’m old. What am I?
A: A candle.

Q: In a one-story pink house, there was a pink person, a pink cat, a pink fish, a pink computer, a pink chair, a pink table, a pink telephone, a pink shower– everything was pink! What color were the stairs?
A: There weren’t any stairs, it was a one storey house.

Q: A girl is sitting in a house at night that has no lights on at all. There is no lamp, no candle, nothing. Yet she is reading. How?
A: The woman is blind and is reading braille.

Q: You walk into a room with a match, a karosene lamp, a candle, and a fireplace. Which do you light first?
A: The match.

Q: What goes around and around the wood but never goes into the wood?
A: The bark on a tree.

Q: Two mothers and two daughters went out to eat, everyone ate one burger, yet only three burgers were eaten in all. How is this possible?
A: They were a grandmother, mother and daughter.

Q: What can run but can’t walk?
A: A drop of water.

Q: How far can a dog run into the woods?
A: The dog can run into the woods only to the half of the wood – than it would run out of the woods.

Q: What’s full of holes but still holds water?
A: A sponge.

Q: If an electric train is going east at 60 miles an hour and there is a strong westerly wind, which way does the smoke from the train drift?
A: There is no smoke coming from electric trains.

Q: I am an odd number. Take away one letter and I become even. What number am I?
A: Seven (take away the ‘s’ and it becomes ‘even’).

Q: What word looks the same backwards and upside down?

Q: What does this mean? I RIGHT I
A: Right between the eyes.

Q: What 5-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it?
A: Short.

Q: What has a face and 2 hands but no body? A: A clock

Q. What’s the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball?
A. A guy will actually search for a golf ball

Q. What is the difference between a drug dealer and a hooker?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and sell it again.

Q. What’s a mixed feeling?
A. When you see your mother-in-law backing off a cliff in your new car.

Q What’s the height of conceit?
A. Having an orgasm and calling out your own name.

Q: What’s the difference between a girlfriend and a wife?
A: 45 pounds.

Q: What’s the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?
A: 45 minutes.

Q: Why do men find it difficult to make eye contact?
A: Breasts don’t have eyes.

Q: If the dove is the bird of peace, what is the bird of true love?
A. The swallow.

What has a face and two hands but no arms or legs? A clock

What five-letter word becomes shorter when you add two letters to it? Short

What word begins and ends with an ‘e’ but only has one letter? Envelope

What has a neck but no head? A bottle

What type of cheese is made backwards? Edam

Why can’t a man living in New York be buried in Chicago? Because he’s still living!

What begins with T, ends with T and has T in it? A teapot

How many letters are there in the English alphabet? There are 18: 3 in ‘the’, 7 in ‘English’ and 8 in ‘alphabet’.

Which month has 28 days? All of them of course!

I ran into a man today who knew absolutely nothing about anatomy. I had to explain to him that their was a vas deferens between a testicle and penis.

Why are blonde women always mad when they get their licenses?

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