Funny Jokes For Adults

Are you searching for Funny Jokes for Adults, then you are landed at right place. here you will find the latest and best collection of Adult jokes, Sex jokes for adults that are really funny, adult jokes in Hindi and English as well. We all need to have fun in life, thus adult is the age when we need some more fun and want to hang out with friends, so to make you fun double we have compiled the awesome most popular funny adult jokes below.

Very Funny Jokes For Adults {*2017 FRESH*}

Sex without condoms is magical… A baby appears and father disappears.


Wife comes back from the doctor and says to her husband:
– Honey, I have a sad news – a gynecologist told me not have sex for a three weeks…
Husband:
– And what the dentist said?


A gay
– Have you heard? Professor Mr. Smith from our apartment house is a gay!
– Waw, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half of a year, but never knew he was a professor…


Paradise
– Dady, what is in between mummy’s legs?
– A paradise.
– And what’s between your’s?
– The key.
– So you should change the lock, because our neighbour has a passkey.


My wife wants me to get my coffee at home to save money.
If she really wants me to save money she should give me sex at home.


Husband: Honey, I have problems at work.
Wife: Not “I”, but “we” have problems – since we are married,
your problems are mine problems as well.
Husband: ok. Then I wanted to let you know that our office-girl got pregnant from us.


Conversation in the immigration office at airport in the US:
– Your name, Sir.
– Bakshish Abdul
– Sex
– Three times a day…
– I mean male or female?
– Doesn’t matter…


Flowers
A new husband arrived home with a big bouquet of flowers. His wife met him at the door,
saw the flowers and dropped on the floor, spreading her legs in front of him.
“This is for the flowers,” she said.
“Don’t be silly,” he said.
I’am sure we have a vase somewhere at house.


Blonde in the army
A blonde enlisted in the army,
and when she was given her uniform the drill sergeant informed her that although her quaters would be in separate building she would mess with the men.
Only later did she learn that he meant she would eat her meals with them.


A gujrati couple busy in sex..son asked- papa shu karo cho?papa-mummy ma petrol bharu chhuSon-average check kari nakho saware to uncle tanki full kari gayo. =)) =D


Dear Dollar,You slut… Stop rising so much coz after 58 Government will retire you..Sincerely Indian Rupee


A daughter asked her mother, “Mom, how do you spell ‘scrotum’?”
Her mom replied, “Honey, you should have asked me last night—it was on the tip of my tongue.”


were having a big argument at breakfast. He shouted at her, “You aren’t so good in bed either!” then stormed off to work. By mid-morning, he decided he’d better make amends and called home. “What took you so long to answer?” he asked. “I was in bed,” she replied. “What were you doing in bed this late?” “Getting a second”


“Well, while Capitalism is screwing the Working Class, the Government is sound asleep, the People are being ignored and the Future is in Deep Shit.” ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”


It is a sin to put it in, but it’s a shame to pull it out. ♦◊♦◊♦◊♦”


What’s the difference between a G-spot and a golf ball?
-A guy will actually search for a golf ball.


Why was the guitar teacher arrested?
-For fingering a minor.


Little Johnny runs into his house and asks, “Mommy, can little girls have babies?” “No,” says his mom, “Of course not.”
After Little Johnny runs back outside, his mom hears him yell to his friend, “It’s OK, we can keep playing!”


The truck driver stopped to picked up the hitchhiker girl in short shorts. “Say, what’s your name, mister?” she inquired, after she climbed up in the truck. “It’s Snow, Roy Snow,” he answered, “and what’s yours?” “I’m June, June Hansen,”…


Two Men were out fishing when one decides to have a smoke He asks the other guy if he has a lighter He replies “Yes I do!” and hands the other a 10 inch long BIC lighter Surprised the guy…


Q: How is a woman like a condom? A: Both spend more time in your wallet than on your dick.


Masturbation is like procrastination, it’s all good and fun until you realize you are only fucking yourself!


Two deaf people got married. During the first week of marriage, they found they were unable to communicate in the bedroom when they turn the lights off because they can’t see each other using sign language. After several nights of…


How many lips does a flower have?
Tu-lips.


How does a squid go into battle?
Well armed.


What do you call a shoe made out of a banana?
A slipper.


What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
The trom-bone.


What disease do you get when you put up the Christmas decorations?
Tinselitus.


What’s a skeleton’s favorite musical instrument?
The trom-bone.


Boy: I’ll pay you 10 bucks to climb up the flagpole.
Girl: ok.(climbs the flagpole)
Girl: Mommy Mommy a boy paid me 10 bucks to climb the flagpole. Mom: He just wanted to see your underwear!
…Next Day…
(Same boy): I’ll pay you 20 BUCKS to climb the flagpole!
Girl: OK thanks! (climbs the flagpole)


A guy walks into a bar with an alligator. It’s about 10 feet long. The bartender flips out and says, “Hey buddy, you gotta get that son of a b*tch outta here. It’s going to bite one of my customers and I’m going to get sued.”
The guy says, “No no no, it’s a tame alligator. I’ll prove it to you.”


A dick has a sad life. His hair is a mess; his family is nuts; his next-door neighbor is an asshole; his best friend is a pussy, and his owner beats him habitually.


This was a really, really big year for me.
I got to go home for Thanksgiving and sit at the adults’ table.
That’s ’cause, you know, somebody had to die for me to move up a plate.


Knock Knock!
Who’s There?
Little boy blue.
Little boy blue who?
Michael Jackson!


Knock Knock!
Who’s There?
Justin.
Justin who?
Your justin time to wipe my @$$ !


Knock Knock!
Who’s there?
Parton!
Parton who?
Parton my French!


मुझे तब बेहद गुस्सा आया जब मै मात्र एक अंक से क्विज प्रतियोगिता हार गया।
और वो आखरी प्रश्न था…..
“औरतों के सबसे ज्यादा घुंघराले बाल कहाँ होते है ?”
अब आपकी तरह मुझे तो पक्का यकिन था की मै 100 प्रतिशत सही हूँ।
पर उन मादरचोद जजौं का उत्तर था
अफ्रीका.।


Kid1: Chadarmod
Kid2: Tu chadarmod
Wife: Kuch kahenge inhe aap?
Husband: Madarchod hota hai chutiyon !!
Wife: Vo chadar ko fold kar rahe hain !!!


Sanskrit words for daily convenience:
मातृसंभोगी – Madar*hod
भगिनीसंभोगी – Bhen*hod
योनिनिष्काशीत – Bhos*ika
योनिरूपम – Chut*ya
More Jokes
Repeat That, Mate?


If you understand English, press 1. If you do not understand English, press 2.
Recording on an Australian tax help line
Steven Wright on Language Tapes
I bought one of those tapes to teach you Spanish in your sleep.
During the night, the tape skipped. Now I can only stutter in Spanish.
मलद्वाररसिक – Gaandu
लिंगस्वरूपि – Lavdu


सनी लीओन की लोकप्रियता देख,भारत सरकार ने Postal Stamp बनवाए.
Stamp की खपत इतनी बढी कि सनी भी खुश और भारत सरकार भी खुश,
फिर कहीं से शिकायतें आनी शुरू हुई के भैया STAMP तो चिपकता ही नहीं?
सरकार ने एक कमीशन का गठन किया और जाँच के आदेश दे दिये.
आधे घंटे में ही जाँच की रिपोर्ट आ गई कि STAMP तो बिल्कुल सही है.
लोग चाटते गलत Side से है!!


Yamraj questioned 3 ladies.
Yamraj : “Kabhi Kiss kiya hai?
1st Lady: “Shaadi se pehle”
Yamraj: “Nark Me Jao”
2nd Lady: “Shaadi ke baad”
Yamraj: “Swarg me Jao”
3rd Lady: “Kabhi nahi kiya”
Yamraj: “Kone me aao”


Rajasthani Conductor:”Baccha ka Ticket”
Lady:”Iko b lagego k? yo to abhi maro bobo chuse he”
Conductor:”Bobo to iko baap b chuse hai, to uke b free me bithau ke?”


Sonu: “Duniya Me Sabase Jyada Himmat Wala Kon?”
Monu: “DHOBI”
Sonu: “Kaise?”
Monu: “Kisi ke Bhi Ghar Ja ke Keh Sakta Hai Sahab, Madam Ko Bolo, Kapde Nikal Ke Rakhen, Main Abhi A kar Leta Hoon”

Santa : “Kaisa raha interview?”
Banta : “Achha raha, par… ”
Santa : “Par kya?”
.
.
.
Banta : “Unhone kaha ‘show us your testimonials’ lekin lagta hai maine kucchh galat dikha diya!”


Boy: “Aapka naam kya hai?”
Girl: “Pehan ke bataun ya bol ke?”
Boy: “Kya matlab?”
Girl: “Payal, aur aapka?”
Boy: “Haath mein doon ya munh mein?”
Girl: “Kya matlab?”
.
.
.
.
Boy: “Prasad!” 🙂


Centuries with the least number of balls:
Azhar – 62
Sehwag – 60
Jayasuriya – 48
Afridi – 37
.
.
.
.
.
Dhritarashtra – 2


Teacher: “Hindustan ko Hind, Pakistan ko Pak aur Australia ko Aus bhi kehte hain!”
Student: “Brazil aur London ka kya?”


A decent app with little issues, nothing worth complaining about.. I’m terrible with remembering jokes. Thankfully this app lets me scroll back to read previous ones. As a bartender I have to be able to entertain some folks and though some of the jokes are super cheesy they usually put a smile on mine, and my customer’s, faces. Thanks for the material!


What’s the difference between your wife and your job? After five years your job will still suck.


The only way you’ll ever get laid is if you crawl up a chicken’s ass and wait.


I wasn’t born with enough middle fingers to let you know how I feel about you.


My mother never saw the irony in calling me a son-of-a-bitch.


How do you embarrass an archeologist? Give him a used tampon and ask him which period it came from.


Why are women like KFC? After you’ve finished with the thigh and breasts, all you have left is a greasy box to put your bone in.


One day, a little boy wrote to Santa Clause, “Please send me a sister.” Santa Clause wrote him back, “Ok, send me your mother.”


But do you know what 6.9 is? A good thing screwed up by a period.


I saw six men kicking and punching the mother-in-law. My neighbour said ‘Are you going to help?’ I said ‘No, six should be enough.’


You have the perfect face for radio.


Blind man walks into a bar… And a table, and a chair.


SCENE: My teenage daughter and me in the car.
Lauren: Dad, do you know what the most commonly used letter in a girl’s name is?
Me: Hmm, is it a consonant or a vowel? (Silence.) Please tell me you know what consonants and vowels are.
Lauren: You’re no fun, Dad. Forget it.
Me: What is a vowel?
Lauren: OK, OK. A vowel is … ahh … eh … well, oh … uh …
Me: Close enough.


I don’t want to brag, but I do speak pig Latin; I mean, I’m not fluent, but I’m sure 
if I ever went there, I could get by.

Guys, hope you enjoyed a lot after reading these knock knock jokes for adults 2017, We have much more to give, be in touch to get more adult jokes here.

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