Funny Blonde Jokes

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What do you call it when a blonde dies their hair brunette? Artificial intelligence.

How do you make a blonde’s eyes light up? Shine a flashlight in their ear.

What do you call a smart blonde? A golden retriever.

Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours? Because it said “concentrate”!

What do you call a blonde between two brunettes? A mental block.

How do you get a blonde to marry you? Tell her she’s pregnant.

A blonde heard that accidents happen close to home so she moved!

How does a blonde high-five? She smacks herself in the forehead.

What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs? Nice tits!

We all have one ginger friend that claims to be “strawberry blonde”.

What is the same about a blonde and a dog? They both suck dick.

A blonde calls her boyfriend and says, “Please come over here and help me. I have a killer jigsaw puzzle, and I can’t figure out how to get it started.”
Her boyfriend asks, “What is it supposed to be when it’s finished?”
The blonde says, “According to the picture on the box, it’s a tiger.”
Her boyfriend decides to go over and help with the puzzle.
She lets him in and shows him where she has the puzzle spread all over the table.

Death: It’s your time. give me your hand
Blonde: No! i know that if i dont touch you then I’ll never die!
Death: Holy shit! You figured out the key to living forever! You’re soooo smart! High five!
Blonde: *high fives*
Death: Typical blonde… Dumbass…

Brunette: I’ll be the first brunette to walk on Mars!
Ginger: I’ll be the first ginger to walk on Venus!
Blonde: I’ll be the first blonde to walk on the sun!
Ginger: You’ll burn up if you try.
Blonde: Don’t worry, I’ll go at night

Two blondes fell down a hole. One said, “It’s dark in here isn’t it?”
The other replied, “I don’t know; I can’t see

Two blondes are waiting at a bus stop.
When a bus pulls up and opens the door, one of the blondes leans inside and asks the bus driver, “Will this bus take me to 5th Avenue?”
The bus driver shakes his head and says, “No, I’m sorry.”
Hearing this, the other blonde leans inside, smiles and asks, “Will it take ME?”

This guy was driving in a car with a blonde. He told her to stick her head out the window and see if the blinker was working.
She stuck her head out and said, “Yes, No, Yes, No, Yes…”

A guy got home from work one evening and found his blonde girlfriend painting the walls.
She was wearing a new fur coat and a nice denim jacket.
Thinking this was a little strange, he asked her why she was wearing them rather than old clothes or an overall.
She showed him the instructions on the tin: “For best results, put on two coats”.

Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on a bench talking … and one blonde says to the other, “Which do you think is farther away … Florida or the moon?”
The other blonde turns and says “Hellooooooo, can you see Florida …?”

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park one morning.
Suddenly, the brunette notices a dead bird. “Awww, look at the dead birdie,” she says sadly.
The blonde stops, looks up into the sky, and says, “Where? Where?”

A blonde guy and a brunette girl were happily married and about to have a baby.
One day, the wife started having contractions, so the husband rushed her to the hospital. He held her hand as she went through a trying birth. In the end, there were two little baby boys.
The blonde guy turned to his wife and angrily said, “All right, who’s the other father?”

A blonde says to a brunette, “What does IDK stand for?”.
The brunette replied, “I don’t know.”
The blonde said “Oh my God, nobody does!”

A British Airways employee took a call from a blonde asking the question, “How long is the flight from London to New York?”
“Um, just a minute…” he said.
Then, as he turned to check the exact flight time, he heard the blonde say, “Thank you,” as the phone went dead.

A blonde went to buy a Pizza and after ordering, the assistant asked her if she wanted her pizza cut into six pieces or twelve.
“Six please” she said, “I could never eat twelve!”

Three blondes are in an elevator when the elevator suddenly stops and the lights go out.
They try using their cell phones to get help, but have no luck. Even the phones are out.
After a few hours of being stuck with no help in sight, one blonde says to the others “I think the best way to call for help is by yelling together.”
The others agree with the first, so they all inhale deeply and begin to yell loudly “Together, together, together.”

Q: How do you confuse a blonde?
A: You don’t. They’re born that way!

Q: Why did the blonde stare at a frozen orange juice can for 2 hours?
A: Because it said “concentrate”!

Q: How do you really confuse a blonde?
A: Put her in a circular room and tell her to sit in the corner!

Q: Why is it okay for blondes to catch cold?
A: They don’t have to worry about blowing their brains out!

Q: What does a blonde do when she wakes up in the morning?
A: Picks her clothes up of my floor and calls a cab!

Q: Did you hear about the two Blondes that were found frozen to death in their car at the drive-in movie theater?
A: They went to see ‘Closed for Winter’.

Q: What do you call a blonde with pigtails?
A: A blowjob with handlebars.

Q: Why do blondes wear their hair up?
A: To catch everything that goes over their heads.

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicapped zone.

Q: What was the blonde psychic’s greatest achievement?
A: An IN-body experience!

Q How can you tell if a blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s white-out on the screen.

Q: How can you tell if another blonde’s been using the computer?
A: There’s writing on the white-out.

Q. How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A. A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q. Why did the blonde tattoo her zip code on her stomach?
A. So her male would get delivered to the right box.

Q. What’s the difference between Indiana and a blonde?
A. A blonde has larger hills and deeper valleys.

Q. What do a bowling ball and a blonde have in common?
A. Chances are they’ll both end up in the gutter.

Q. Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A. Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q. What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A. “Nice tits!”

Q. Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A. They always forget the “11” in “9-1-1”.

Q. What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A. Last year’s hide and seek champ.

I told my blonde girlfriend that I was going skeet shooting. She told me she didn’t know how to cook them.

A blonde walked into a hardware store, picked up the hinges she was looking for, and went to go pay for them. The clerk asked her,”Need a screw for those hinges?” “No, but how about a blow job for the shovel in the back?”

Blonde Medical Terminology : C : Caesarian section — district in Rome, Cat scan — searching for kitty, Cauterize — Made eye contact with her, Colic — sheep dog, Coma — a punctuation mark, Congenital — friendly

Did you hear about the blonde who was told she was a silly puss, but insisted she didn’t have a crazy cat?

Did you hear about the blonde who thought Moby Dick was a venereal disease?

MALE SECRETARY: “Feel free to use my Dictaphone.”NEW BLONDE EMPLOYEE: “No thanks, I’ll just use my finger like everyone else.”

Boyfriend said to his blonde girlfriend, I am going to go skeet shooting…but I don’t know how to cook skeet

What’s six inches long, has a bald head, and drives blondes crazy…a hundred dollar bill.

What does a blonde and cow-pats have in common…they both get eaiser to pick-up with age.

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