Funny Adult Jokes in English {New, Latest, Naughty}

Get collection of funny adult jokes in English for text messages. Adult SMS Messages are popular among naughty people, who send them mainly with the purpose of teasing their friends. You can share these Funny jokes in English for Adults to your friend on Whatsapp, Facebook, Instagram etc. When it comes to updating status or sharing messages with your friends most of us look for funny jokes. Here is latest collection of Jokes in English for Adults, fantastic adult jokes, hilarious adult jokes in English Language.

Very Funny Adult Jokes in English:

Women to Dentist:
“Its so painful I’ll prefer to get Pregnant than getting my Cavity Filled.”
Dentist:
“Make a Decision, I’ll adjust the Chair Accordingly.” 🙂


Boy: Men dress up to been seen by others.
Girl: Laughs and says girls dress down to be seen by others.


Girl 2 Mom: Mom I have started loving a Boy!
Mom angry: What?? How old is he? What does he do?
Girl: He is 3 months old. Happily kicking in my stomach. 😛


Santa: In all AIDS ads, they talk of SAFE SEX.
What is SAFE SEX?
Banta: Oye, SAFE SEX is when wife is out of town!


Difference between good girls and bad girls
Good girls open few buttons in hot atmosphere,
But bad girls open all buttons to make the atmosphere hot.


A couple in train
Girl- my hand is paining,
Boy kisses the hand,
Girl- my neck is paining,
Boy kisses the neck,
An old man asks boy,
Son, do u also treat piles.


Boy: do you know u would look more sexy with one kg less,
Girl- ok janu, I will loose it as soon as possible.
Boy: in my opinion all ur clothes weight exactly one kg.


Never kiss a police woman,
She will say stop-hands up,
Never kiss a nurse she will say next please,
Kiss a teacher she will say repeat it 5 times


A husband was asked: Do u talk to your wife after sex?
His answer: Depends, if I can find a phone.


A girl asked, why cow seems depressed when being milked?
Teacher: if every morning they rub yours 4 30 minutes and don’t f**k u, u will feel the same?


What is the dumbest part on a man’s body? The penis. It has a head with no brain, it hangs out with two nuts and it lives around the corner from an ****!


A MAN SAYS 2 HIS WIFE: TELL ME SOMETHING THAT’LL MAKE ME HAPPY AND MAD AT THE SAME TIME. THE WIFE SAYS: YUR d*ck IS BIGGER THAN YOUR BROTHER’S


CAN U COME GET ME? IM DOWN HERE IN CITY JAIL. SOME FOO DONE PICKED ME OUT OF A LINEUP TALKIN BOUT MY PUSSY WHIPPED HIM!


Fair & lovely ke ad ma face dikhaya
Ponds ke ad ma hath dikhaya
Pentene ke ad ma baal dikhaye
Phir always ke ad ma cheating kyun?


Love is a gamble,
Sex is a game,
Boyz do the thing
Girls get the blame,
1 night in pleasure
9 months of pain
1 day in hospital and
a junior needs a name


Unexpected sex – that’s a great way to wake up. If you are not in a prison…


Sex without condoms is magical… A baby appears and father disappears.


Have you heard? Professor Mr. Smith from our apartment house is a gay!
– Waw, what a surprise! I have been sleeping with him for half of a year, but never knew he was a professor…


Dad, what happens if a condom tear?
– Look at yourself…


My girlfriend used to give amazing blow jobs, but lately they haven’t been so great – they are starting to hurt me now since her baby teeth started growing in.


The sex was so good that even the neighbors had a cigarette.


Every Man needs a Beautiful wife, intelligent wife, caring wife, loving wife, sexy wife, adjusting & cooperative wife, but it’s sad that law allows only one wife.


2 men went 2 a callgirl. 1st went in and came out n said Na my wife is better. 2nd went in and came out n said U R right ur wife is much better.


Names Of lun With Ages 01 05Nono 06 10 Phunno 11 14 Lulli 15 20 L nd 20 25 Pyaasa 26 35 Shikari 36 50 Naram Garam 51 60 Kaam Chor 61 75 Zinda laash


A lady after delivery was getting stitches the curious husband peeping thru window knocked shyly said poora to nahi siloge na


what is commen bitwin MOOV cream LUUUND Dono hi Gahrai tak jaye Garmahat laye Aram dilaye Uh se ahaa tak


Law Of Reverse Dynamics:
.
.
.
When A Man Becomes Rich
He Becomes Naughty &
When A Woman Becomes Naughty.
She Becomes Rich…


Officer: madam swimming is prohibited in this lake.
Lady: then why didn’t you tell me when I was removing my clothes?
Officer: well, that’s not prohibited.


He took me from a bar,
He took me in his car,
He took my top off,
He puts his lips on mine,
but don’t worry,
I’m a bottle of wine!


Hey U Know Which is d best day to propose a girl.. April 1
U Know Why??
If she accept its ur luck otherwise just tell April Foooooll. 🙂


Police: R U married?
.
Sardar: Yes,with a woman
.
Police: Of course,
Did U ever hear of any model marrying a Man?
.
Sardar: Yes My sister


Mom: How were you pregnant?
Daughter: This is our project in college about “Miracle of Life”
Mom: Tell me who is he?
Daughter: I don’t know, it was a group project


Teacher: What is the difference between
Call Girl, Girlfriend and Wife.??
Student: replied
Prepaid, Postpaid, Unlimited.


eacher: why are you late?
Student: My dad told me to take our cow to bull.
Teacher(Angrily): Can’t your dad to it?
Student: No, only BULL can do it.!!!!
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What is Kiss?
Kiss is an upper preparation for lower invasion,
that will lead to further penetration,
in fast acceleration
that will build the next generation…


In a bathroom,
A boy touches a girl’s everywhere!
You Know whose that boy?
Its Lifeboy Soap!
Dirty people always think dirty.


Teacher: Name the thing which carries more weight
but has vary less weight.

Student: ur braizer


Wife Reading a Book
“A Bull have sex 1000 times a year.
You don’t do quarter of that”!
Husband says
“Does it says that Bull have sex with the same Cow”?


Press down… down more… Ok more… YES ahh ohh yes… almost there… yeah oh shit harder… SO GOOD…! mmmmm… That’s how I sex on txt!


Q: Why do vegetarians give good head?
A: Because they are used to eating nuts!


Q: What is the difference between your wife and your job?
A: After five years your job still sucks.


Q: Why are hurricanes normally named after women?
A: When they come they’re wild and wet, but when they go they take your house and car with them.


Q: How did the Burger King get the Dairy Queen pregnant?
A: He forgot to wrap his Whopper!


Q: What’s the last thing Tickle Me Elmo receives before leaving the factory?
A: Two Test-tickles


Q: What do a Rubik’s cube and a penis have in common?
A: The more you play with them, the harder they get!


Q: What does a perverted frog say?
A: Rubbit


Q: What do a nearsighted gynecologist and a puppy have in common?
A: A wet nose.


Q: What do you call an Italian hooker?
A: A Pasta-tute


Q: Who was the worlds first carpenter?
A: Eve, because she made Adam’s banana stand


Q: How did Rihanna find out Chris Brown was cheating on her?
A: She found another woman’s lipstick on his knuckles


Q: How do you tell the difference between an oral and a rectal thermometer?
A: By the taste


Q: How is a woman like a road?
A: Both have manholes.


Q: What did the cannibal do after he dumped his girlfriend?
A: Wiped his butt.


Q: What does a 75 year old woman have between her breasts that a 25 year old doesn’t?
A: Her navel.


Q.) Why does a penis have a hole in the end?
A.) So men can be open minded.


Q.) What do a Rubix cube and a penis have in common?
A.) The longer you play with them, the harder they get.


Q.) What’s the difference between your paycheck and your d*ck?
A.) You don’t have to beg your wife to blow your paycheck!


Q.) What do you do with 365 used rubbers?
A.) Melt them down make a tire, and call it a Goodyear.


Q.) What does bungee jumping and hookers have in common?
A.) They both cost a hundred bucks and if the rubber breaks, you’re screwed.

Also Read:
Short Funny Jokes for Adults
Really Funny Jokes for Adults

A new collection of many fabulous funny adult jokes in English will bring you a hilarious and joyful time after hours working in the office.Many people say “laughter is the best medicine” or “a good laugh is good medicine”. Enjoy your life by laughing out loud and share all those funniest adult jokes in English to your friends. Hope you will like it.

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